I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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