spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
