I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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