I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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