why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You're like the curious george of whores
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
