Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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