I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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