apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
