I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
