I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
no you cant smoke seaweed
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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