After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
