Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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