The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
