Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
this is an emotional support booty call
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
