break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
farters have to be the big spoon...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Randomize
