Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
