Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
...so i touched it.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
