I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
