I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
