dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
