I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
