he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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