Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
