He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
