This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
