Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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