I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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