i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
