i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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