The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
