So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
