If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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