I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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