Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
