I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I want to fling myself into the sun
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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