I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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