since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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