My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
