im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
