you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
