So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
