omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
