i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I AM VODKA MAN
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
