great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
