Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
