and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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