So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It was a blind-side dick pic.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
