how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Actions speak louder than pants.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
there is glitter all over my balls
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