I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
