dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
