Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
